


Romantic, My Ass

by themetaphornextdoor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Bath Sex, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M, Romance, Smut, Snark, Wordcount: 100-1.000, bottom!Castiel, top!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-16
Updated: 2011-12-16
Packaged: 2017-10-27 14:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/296903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themetaphornextdoor/pseuds/themetaphornextdoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean/Castiel, Slash, Light R, Complete and utter CRACK, 325 words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Romantic, My Ass

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Strong Language, Sex  
> Spoilers: None  
> A ficlet written for tiptoe39 on her tumblr for this visual prompt (romantic bubble bath with candles, etc) I had way, way too much fun writing this. (Interesting challenge trying to get across what is happening using only lines of dialogue, that was fun too)

_  
_

  


**“It’s kinda stupid, Cas.”**  


  


“It’s romantic.”

  


  


 **“Ok, ok, so it’s romantic.”**  


  


“Mmm.” 

  


  


 **“ _And_ stupid.”**  


  


“Dean, just get in the bath. Now.”

  


  


 **“Jesus… alright, alright. Don’t get your wings in a twist... Holy shit, it’s freezing, Cas! What the hell?”**  


  


“I… oh. My apologies. Here…”

  


  


 **“That’s better, god, talk about a mood killer. Well, hop in, Cas!”**  


  


“I don’t think I’ll fit.”

  


  


 **“You planned all this but didn’t think of _that_?”**  


  


“Perhaps you should…”

  


  


 **“We’ll fit, ok? Besides, you weren’t planning on sitting on opposite ends of the tub staring at each other, right?”**  


  


“Well…”

  


  


 **“Oh, for crying out...”**  


  


“I guess we’ll just have to have sex.”

  


  


 **“Heh. I think I like your logic, Cas. Wait – are you being…?”**  


  


“Umfph!”

  


  


 **“Holy fuck, Cas! Warn a guy! Oh god, that’s good... Jesus, so tight... Yes.”**  


  


“Ahh, Dean!”

  


  


 **“Ow! Get your wings out of my face.”**  


  


“Sorry.”

  


  


 **“It’s like being smothered by a wet pigeon.”**  


  


“Dean, shut up and fuck me. Now.”

  


  


 **“Fine. Unggh… yeah.”**  


  


“Dean, yes… _yes_.”

  


  


 **“Cas, what’s that smell? Oh my god!! Fuck! The candles! Your wings are on fire!”**  


  


“Stop, Dean! Make it stop! DEAN!”

  


  


 **“Jesus fuck!”**  


  


“ _Ghahh….achk…ehhck… therrrssshh_ ”

  


  


 **“It’s out, it’s out!”**  


  


“Ugh. That was hardly necessary - You didn’t have to half drown me, Dean!”

  


  


 **“Oh, so you wanted your wings on fire? Sorry, I didn’t realise. Of course. Next time I’ll let you go up in flames. It’ll be _romantic_.”**  


  


“Dean…”

  


  


 **“Get off me, Cas. Jeez. Let’s just go to bed, ok?”**  


  


“Fine.”

  


  


 **“Fuck! A little warning!!!”**  


  


“Oh, so you wanted to dry yourself, walk to the bedroom, remake the bed and enter me all over again? My apologies, I wasn’t aware. Next time we’ll spend five minutes towelling ourselves, making our way across the freezing cold floorboards, walk up the stairs, past the drafty windows and spend ten minutes under the blankets trying to get warm again. It’ll be _romantic_.”

  


  


 **“Cas…”**  


  


“Shut up and fuck me Dean. Now.”

  


  


 **“ _Fine_.”**  


  
  


  


 


End file.
